A curse without borders

Wichita native responsible for wretched play of two Valley teams

"Cubble week ago, I was gettin' three cows and a set of false teeth for every bushel of wheat I took to market," said Haas O'Grady, a Wichita wheat farmer. "But de way dis team been playin, they've been making a bad name for the wheat 'round hee. My wife has to plow the fields now, the cows' milk has gone sour and there is talk that the grasshoppers will be migratin back to our wheatfields this spring."

O'Grady

 

While Pettis, an Omaha transplant who graduated from WSU was enjoying the success of his alma mater from a distance in Omaha, it was two-fold as a program that has been his nemesis over the years, Creighton, was on a steady decline with four quick losses before Christmas, all of which occurred during the time that JP had been spending in Omaha. Pettis, who learned nothing from cheering too early last season, began doing so again, only to see New Mexico erupt in handing Wichita its first defeat on his first night back in town.

 

New Mexicans doing their best Bluejay impersonations.

 

Coincidentally, also during the time in which he spent in Wichita, his Shockers dropped three more consecutive games, including the first two of the conference season. His once No. 8 Shockers aren't to be found in any poll any longer. Nor should they be after winning a conference last season only to become the league doormat in the following year. At this rate, Wichita will win as many conference games as many times as they reached the Final Four in the 1980s without cheating. 

 

Xavier McDaniel, prolific cheater

 

While that comes as no surprise to most God-fearing men, the theory behind it may shock even the most ridiculous of Shockers.

 

Pettis

 

There have been many curses is sports, but do any have the power of the Pettis curse? Whatever longitudinal and latitudinal coordinates Pettis has at any given moment, you can guarantee the area college basketball team will suck so long as he is within a 20-minute drive of the arena they play in. While Pettis was away from Omaha, Creighton went 2-0 in their home city and began enjoying their perch over the Valley. 

 

Notice white speck of waste on this metaphoric image.

 

Since Pettis has returned, Creighton wing Ty Morrison has left the program and losses are sure to follow, along with bricks, poor officiating and Pierce Hibma sightings all over the basketball court.

 

Pierce Hibma

 

Southern Illinois wins the Valley with Northern Iowa finishing a close second. Sources close to the Creighton basketball program have said that Dana Altman is personally looking to land Pettis a job in Carbondale, Ill. 

 

Sewer Treatment Department

Field Attendant

Carbondale, Ill.

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About KORV€R's Ransom

KORV€R's Ransom is the fantasy basketball division of Team Shocker. Founded in 2006, its continuing mission was to draft Kyle Korver and hold him hostage from any and all Creighton fans in The CBA fantasy basketball league. 

About The CBA League

The CBA League, also established in 2006, is a group of elite fantasy managers assembled in Yahoo! League #165762. The CBA consists of eight teams with some of the best fantasy players.

This news release contains forward-looking statements that involve risks and uncertainties, as well as assumptions that the CU Bluejays won't suck ass on the basketball court. If the risks and uncertainties ever materialize or the assumptions prove incorrect, the results of Team Shocker and its consolidated subsidiaries could differ materially from those expressed or implied by such forward-looking statements and assumptions. All statements other than statements of historical fact are statements that could be deemed forward-looking statements, including but not limited to statements related to the closing of the proposed acquisition; statements of the plans, strategies and objectives of management for future product and service availability or functionality; and statements relating to the execution of integration plans.