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Team Shocker Newsroom
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KORV€R's Ransom news releases
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Part II: A curse without borders Wichita native returns to fulfill curse TERRE HAUTE, Ind., January 2007Heeeee's baaaaaaaaaack, and
though it's a new year, it's the same story.
In the first game that Wichita
played while Shocker alum Jason Pettis was out of the 316, his
defending Valley champions, who had lost four straight upon his return
to Wichita, were featured on SportsCenter blowing by
Bradley in a 21-point win. P.J. Cousinard's high-flying dunk,
the No. 5 play of the day according the worldwide leader in sports,
served as an exclamation point for a team happy to see one of its
fans get the hell out of Dodge.
And it also marked the return
of Creighton's nemesis to the 402.
Creighton, who went undefeated
while the Cursed One was out of town, promptly returned
to their pathetic form upon hearing the news that
Pettis is back. That translated into a 3-point road loss at
Indiana State, a team that is on the rise, but let's not kid ourselves,
the Sycamores have had nothing to cheer about since Larry Legend was
wearing thigh-high light blue shorts in 70s. But a rare win
over Creighton was a real kick in the junk to the Bluejay
basketball team that can't find a remedy to the voodoo at work.
 Kick in the junk
"I just couldn't deal with it," said Ty Morrison,
who quit the team after hearing Pettis was back. "I can't describe it.
When I should be thinking about basketball, all I could think of was
some policy handbook from a company that I've never heard of. I have no
idea what infoUSA is, but I can tell you that Creighton is in
partial violation of policy No. 5. That being
their 'unreasonable refusal to perform a job assignment.'"
Fr. Shanahan, the team
chaplain, performed an exorcism before the game, but Pettis' voodoo was
too strong.
"In my years as a priest, I've
developed a keen sense for the evil and the good," Shanahan said. "I
don't know what to label this. I've seen nothing like it. All I know is
it is getting very hard for me to remain a pius man with the way this
shitass team I have to watch the rest of the season is playing. God
damn."
 Fr. Shanahan
Well, things
are looking grim in Omaha for the next two months, but one city's
failure is another's fortune. The wheat-powered economy in Wichita had
taken an unexpected hit to close 2006. Haas O'Grady, the president of
the Wichita Wheat Council, was the most affected by the sudden
depreciation of the value of Wu Wheat. But he's got that good ol' boy
look back, and his wife's back is stronger than ever after plowing the
fields while every single farm animal he owned
developed a rare case of oral diherria.
"Dey was shittin out der mouths
all o'er de place," O'Grady said. "Dat OK, doh. It make good
fertilizer."
 The Wichita Wheat
Council dressed in celebratory garb after learning the wheat
scare was over. The
celebratory dance was followed by a meal of stir-fry grasshopper.
###
About KORV€R's Ransom KORV€R's Ransom is the fantasy basketball division of Team Shocker. Founded in 2006, its continuing mission was to draft Kyle Korver and hold him hostage from any and all Creighton fans in The CBA fantasy basketball league. About The CBA League The CBA League, also established in 2006, is a group of elite fantasy managers assembled in Yahoo! League #165762. The CBA consists of eight teams with some of the best fantasy players. This news release contains forward-looking statements that involve risks and uncertainties, as well as assumptions that the CU Bluejays won't suck ass on the basketball court. If the risks and uncertainties ever materialize or the assumptions prove incorrect, the results of Team Shocker and its consolidated subsidiaries could differ materially from those expressed or implied by such forward-looking statements and assumptions. All statements other than statements of historical fact are statements that could be deemed forward-looking statements, including but not limited to statements related to the closing of the proposed acquisition; statements of the plans, strategies and objectives of management for future product and service availability or functionality; and statements relating to the execution of integration plans. |
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