Evil shenanigans were to blame as Kyle Korver was mysteriously released by the Ransom in February.
But those same shenanigans have failed to bring Korver to Team Bluejay.

"He hasn't been rescued yet," said Ransom GM luckeechief. "Despite the Jack Bauer e-mails, blaming Boris Diaw and MVC tourney jubilation, Korver still doesn't tally any stats for Team BJ."

After the events of Feb. 28 when Korver was dropped by the Ransom "only on account of villiany," the Ransom quickly accused Altman's Army of tampering - either by use of the commish tools or hacking necessary Yahoo! passwords.

Yahoo!'s investigation was delayed and finally abandoned as the director of the scandal inquiry, Brandon Funston, was too scared to interview Brian Ayers.

"He knows better than to talk to me after what he did to my fantasy football team last year," Ayers said during practice with Europe's Game last night.

"It's true," Funston said. "I couldn't sleep for two months after I read some of the things Ayers said he'd do to me and my boyfriend, Boris."

While plans have been made to return Korver to Team Shocker and the Ransom, luckeechief went ahead and acquired Eric Piatkowski.

"I needed an American to represent the Ransom's global team," he said. "Plus, how can Mark Laughlin call his team piatkowskiYES! when he doesn't even have Piatkowski on his team? That guy is a poser."

As of 4:24 p.m. on Friday, nobody from the YES! has contacted the Ransom or Piatkowski.

"Maybe Mark should just wait until I drop the Polish Rifle - just like he did with Shaq," luckeechief said.

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About KORV€R's Ransom

KORV€R's Ransom is the fantasy basketball division of Team Shocker. Founded in 2006, its continuing mission was to draft Kyle Korver and hold him hostage from any and all Creighton fans in The CBA fantasy basketball league. 

About The CBA League

The CBA League, also established in 2006, is a group of elite fantasy managers assembled in Yahoo! League #165762. The CBA consists of eight teams with some of the best fantasy players.

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This news release contains forward-looking statements that involve risks and uncertainties, as well as assumptions that the CU Bluejays won't suck ass on the basketball court. If the risks and uncertainties ever materialize or the assumptions prove incorrect, the results of Team Shocker and its consolidated subsidiaries could differ materially from those expressed or implied by such forward-looking statements and assumptions. All statements other than statements of historical fact are statements that could be deemed forward-looking statements, including but not limited to statements related to the closing of the proposed acquisition; statements of the plans, strategies and objectives of management for future product and service availability or functionality; and statements relating to the execution of integration plans.