Today Is The Day....
by: Play Boyz (salz33)
Jul 3 8:12am
Alright, today is the day that y'all get to hear me whine
and complain! This is down-right a crock! BEN, YOUR LEAGUE IS RIGGED! I'm so
tired of Ben, Oz,Luke and if you want to count it, Cihal, having 1 player go
off for a God-like perfomance in a week! Let's focus especially on this week,
with A-Rod and his piss poor performance up until the FINAL NIGHT where he
decides, "Hmm, maybe I'll quit bein' such a puss and hit a grand slam and
a 3-run dong!" Seriously, 7 RBI's in 1 day! That's un-freakin' believable!
I'm tired of having to have record-setting performances just win by the seat of
my pants! 6 Bombs and 12 RBI's between 3 people in the same day? Even Cihal
hasn't done that yet I don't think!
Sawyer's Updated Hate List:
1. Still holding the king's crown to top this list is none other than Kevin
Mench. Mench has clinched this spot for all of eternity with his piss-poor
performances and lack of personality and skill! Way to go, Kev! You're a real
piece of work! Hey Luke, he's still available!
2. Runner-up award goes to Morgan Ensberg! This moron hit .409 in week 3,
scoring 6 runs, 4 bombs and 11 RBI's. Hasn't done anything since then! You're
champ!
3. A-Rod. I was a long-time supporter until he turned against the family last
night. A-Rod hit .333 with 5 runs, 4 bombs, 12 RBI's, and 1 stolen base, most
of which CAME IN THE SAME GAME on the last night! Never go against the family!
4. Coming in 4th is "Bazooka" Joe Mauer! In week 10, Mauer hit .625
with 8 runs and 6 RBI's! Seriously, who is this guy? And how does he do that
playing for the Twins?
5. Finally, bring up the caboose is Kenji Johjima. This guy can't put anything
together until he plays me! Props for heart on this one, but seriously, c'mon!
Seriously, this league is rigged!
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Join the Crusade Against Dave
by: North Korean Nukes (bricub1908)
Jul 6 9:43pm
There is only one thing I can count on from my team, and it
is when Chris Capuano starts against the Cubs he will go the distance and shut
them out. I can't get excited about that for obvious reasons. Just minutes ago
I was feeling great, got the complete game from Capuano and Hudson had (key
word HAD) a 7-2 lead in the ninth after going 8 solid innings. Seconds later,
the Reds put up a five spot in the ninth (two of which will be charged to
This farking league is rigged, Sawyer, I agree, and we have no one to blame but
ourselves. The never satisfied Dave Cihal just picked up Carl Crawford in a
deal with Trumblee that will have his 8-2 average winning margin skyrocket to
the 9-1/10-0 range. This comes on the heels of Cihal picking up Rich Harden
from the waiver wire to fulfill an empty DL spot on his roster, as if he needed
it, which will further enable him to make us look like a bunch of hoes. It's
great that the rest of us are making it so easy for him to kick our balls in
repeatedly. So, Kudos to the rest of the league, myself included, that we have
let Cihal walk away with this before the All-Star break. Heaven forbid, fantasy
gods, that Cihal has to actually deal with shortcomings from anyone on his
roster, an occasional slump or injury. David Wright and Jose Reyes colliding on
a short pop up would over the infield sidelining both for the second half would
be a great start in that direction, but since that won't happen, let's just try
to control what we have control over. So, I plead that the rest of the league
no longer further helps "Mr. I've got a stranglehold on the
standings" by participating in trades to further juice his juggernaut.
Cihal is George Steinbrenner in fantasy cirlces as far as I'm concerned, and if
you deal with him, let it be known you have sold your soul.
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by: Angel Pagan (soulfood724)
Jul 7 7:45am
I was just a boy when the infidels came to my village in their Blackhawk helicopters. The infidels fired at the oil fields and they lit up like the eyes of Allah. Burning oil rained down from the sky and cooked everything it touched. I could only hide myself and cry as my goats were consumed by the fiery black liquid death. In the midst of the chaos, I could swear that I heard my goats screaming for help. As quickly as they had come, the infidels were gone. It was on that day I put a jihad on them. And if you don't believe it, then you'd better kill me now, because I'll put a jihad on you, too.
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by: Play Boyz (salz33)
Jul 7 9:15am
I'd just like to point out that it's not as if he somehow orchestrated the deal
in spite of any objections on my part. I was happy to make the trade.
Grady Sizemore is a bona fide stud who has more power and scores more runs than
Crawford, two categories I have been losing in lately. Harang will become one
of my top three pitchers now. Much better than Millwood, who could possibly be
going on the DL soon. Finally, Lopez, who has 22 steals, will replace much of
the speed I'm losing with Crawford. To close, Crawford is an extremely streaky
hitter. He just happens to currently be in a very hot streak, thus boosting his
stock significantly in the last few weeks. In making this trade, I'm
essentially betting that he will cool off soon, meaning I will have gotten the best
he has to offer and sold him at the height of his value. I could be wrong, but
I still don't think it was an unfair trade.
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by: North Korean Nukes (bricub1908)
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Since July 16...
Soldiers:
10 IP
0-2 record
5 Ks
8.10 ERA
1.70 WHIP
Mercenaries:
35 1/3 IP
5-0 record
26 Ks
4.83 ERA
1.30 WHIP
Neifi update: Popped out in his second at bat.
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by: I'm Batman (salz33)
Jul 24 2:07pm
We are extending the offer to all of our fellow league members to join us at this time. Since our depressing and down-right horrific loss to Boone a few weeks ago, my team has elected to take the Randy Moss approach to the rest of our season and only play when they feel like it. Due to the fact that EVERYONE sat out at least 1 game last week, Lopez took 4, the Play Boyz have decided that we are going to spend the remainder of the season residing at the Playboy mansion with handfuls of naked playboy bunny girls. We just wanted to extend the invitation to any that would like to come and enjoy many, many days filled with centerfolds, blondes, brunettes and your choice of red heads or strawberry blondes. I've talked with Hef and things are squared away! As of this time, the Play Boyz will remain on vacation as we have been the previous 2 weeks.
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by: USS Waiver Wire (luckeechief)
Jul 24 10:14pm
8 2/3 innings
1-0, 6 saves
0.00 ERA
0.92 WHIP
He has dropped his ERA from 6.83 to 5.26.
Ouch.
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by: The Hipity-Dipity (salz33)
Jul 25 4:03pm
In addition, we had to settle D-train down because he almost poked Howard in
the eye doin' his hellicopter move. Howard got upset and there was nearly a
"huge sword" fight between D-train, Howard, Dye and Ortiz. We got the
situation calmed down and things are fine now! You guys are more than welcome
to come join us! As you noticed, Cihal stayed out there for a few more days,
which he's more than welcome! Just let me know so I can make the proper phone
calls so that y'all get VIP treatment.
One other thing, I guess there was a Mench sighting that I wasn't aware. I just
found out about it this morning. Former players Mench and Lowe tried to get in
to the place, but they were taken out back "taken care of." Special
thanks to my team of crack-down security guards.
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by: USS Waiver Wire (luckeechief)
Jul 25 4:11pm
I saw Neifi Perez sneak in while Dusty Baker was running interference. Your security can't be that great if I see that hippie cannonballing into the hot tub.
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by: Chasing Aaron (bricub1908)
Jul 25 4:24pm
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Picks 1-4
Young has underachieved, but Ichiro and the
Picks 5-9
Mauer and K-Rod have been the bright spots, but Helton and Ensberg tell the
story of my season so far. S-Pod got swapped for Sweeney, making my ninth pick
plenty useless. Not that I needed speed this year...
Picks 10-14
They've all been on the DL at some point this season. I expected Prior to and
I'm cool with that.
Picks 15-18
I picked
Picks 19-21
Sabathia is my late-round gem, but he was on the DL too. MacDougal and
Gathright? Ouch.
Summary
Of the 21 players I drafted, 11 of 'em hit the disabled list at some point in
2006. At one point, six of 'em were "at the mansion" or on the shelf
together. Of the 20 active players on my roster today, 10 of them were drafted
by me.
Of the remaining 10 players, seven of them were drafted by other managers:
Cordero (Cihal 11th rd), Myers (Trumblee 13th), Lee (Grosse 14th), Tracy
(Grosse 15th), Francoeur (Cihal 16th), Renteria (Sawyer 18th) and Sexson (Cihal
19th). The remaining three are acquisitions off the FA pile.
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by: The Unibombers (bricub1908)
Aug 21 5:34pm
Most K's by a closer in a losing performance - 5 - set by Jonathan Papelbon of
the Boston Red Sox to turn my sure 4-3 win over Cihal into a 3-4 loss. Thanks
There had to be some sort of record set by Dave and I for transactions from the
waiver wire as time wound down Saturday night/Sunday morning. FYI: to all of
you in need of Sunday magic, you have until 2 a.m. CDT Sunday morning before
Yahoo will not let your move work for the next day. Every once in awhile, the
West Coast is worth something to the rest of
I would also like thank my Unibombers' offense for keeping pace on Sunday
without a catcher on the roster, which was a desperate measure for my team to
make enough starts to barely lose. And I would like to publicly apologize to
Chipper Jones for leaving him out of the lineup on Monday. If he played, the
Unibombers wouldn't have tied in HRs or RBIs. Furthermore, Dempster and Howry's
combined meltdowns prevented Zambrano from picking up a category-clinching win
on Saturday. That's CIHAL MAGIC in action.
Finally, the comeback player of the week goes to Orlando Hernandez, who I only
kept in my rotation until Sunday because I needed the start on the last day. He
gave up 11 earned in 4 innings on Tuesday. He went six scoreless on Sunday with
8 Ks. He stays on the roster for another week.
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by: Cream'nclear (salz33)
Aug 23 12:17pm
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by: Cream'n'clear (luckeechief)
Aug 26 11:11pm
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I didn't mean to gash your dreams and snatch the game away from you right out
of the box, but, what can I say, sometimes I just don't know when to clit - er
quit. I wish we could settle this like men, but as you said I'm a coward. Everyone in
this league knows I (Dan's vagina) have a yellow streak a mile wide - which the
doctors are looking into. I hope we can get past this like men, or at least one
man (or pretend fighter pilot) and a man's vagina (or mangina).
Sincerely,
Dan's Vulva
P.S. If your looking for your watch, I think I have it.
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by: Smelly Pirate Hooker (soulfood724)
Sep 12 12:58am
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Heer we goe agin. Ben is playeng his Luke Grosse kard and goeng aftare mi spelleng. Yu gies serouslee nede two get off thes theng with the spelleng and grammer as a cumback. Its relly lame. I wood have got beated becuz mi gies were sint home becuz we got screwed. We nue we didnt nede two show up fore Boone. 'Nuff sed.
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by: Mandate from Heaven (bricub1908)
Sep 20 11:50am
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Hey Sawyer
by:
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Re: Hey Sawyer
by:
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The player reportedly making the accusations was Jason Grimsley, who was on
Cihal's watch list the entire year.
Along with the other players, Cihal repeated to reporters on Sunday how stunned
he was. His iUSA League of Shadows fantasy baseball title is being reviewed
while tests are being done at one of the leading doping research labs in the
"They can test me all they want," Colt 45 said. "I will be
vindicated once these tests come back. The only things these tests will come
back positive for is talent and too much Sam & Louie's pizza."
In June, federal agents searched Grimsley's home in
"It's true that I did have Grimsley on my watch list all season,"
Cihal said. "I just thought it'd be cool to have the team name 'Grimsley's
Reapers' or something cool like that."
The commissioner's office of the Shadows League issued a statement through a
hot, blonde intern.
"The office is not calling Cihal's fantasy integrity into question.
Following this protocol, the league champion will be named at a ceremony in
Large Business Compilation on Monday, pending the results."
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